They put out the Christmas at the Hobby Lobby last
week. It is July.
The folks that live around the block still sporting their
last season icicle lights and the El Rancho strip mall adoring two giant
wreaths in their entryway obviously concur that the holiday either never left
or has arrived six months early.
Exemplifying my blonde (store bought and proud of it), for a
moment I thought perhaps I had missed autumn completely. Summer has been busy. I was relieved to immediately notice that
across the street workers were installing the banner for the Halloween
superstore. So basically we have fall and
Christmas starting in the second week of the summer. It would have been tragic
to miss my favorite scariest holiday, Halloween. (The second scariest holiday, as we
all know, is Easter….mostly due to the fact that I still have not located one
of the hidden boiled eggs my kids painted back in ’09)
I love Halloween, but scary movies really scare me. (Recall
the blonde)
In my youth, yes back in the Byzantine, as my son claims, I tried to
be cool with my pals and saw all the classics, like Halloween, Rosemary’s Baby, and Nightmare on Elm Street. The scenes
kept me awake many a night fearing a good slashing by crazy dead people. Ironically,
what I have discovered as I have aged is that life experienced these last subsequent
thirty years, pales in comparison to Jason and his extracurricular activities. I now have a collection of horror movies of my
own. Night of the Living Dead has
nothing on my personal anthology.
My scary movies are below…coming to a theatre near you…
Night of the Living Interns ~ One woman experiences the horror
of a group of Obstetric Interns learning how to measure pre-birth dilation by
crowding into her tiny delivery room….twenty male and female students, one
awkwardly positioned mom in the stirrups….pure gruesomeness.
Marie’s Baby’s Diaper ~For the love of Pete! What is that? Do
we call the after-hours pediatrician or go to the emergency room stat? It is terror
on the changing table.
Nightmare on My Street ~ Junior is in a 3:00 a.m. wake-up
pattern….you may never…sleep…again…
Cujo( In The Family)~ You have to babysit the In-laws dog….he
has a disorder that causes him to vomit sporadically if he drinks too much
water….It is ninety-eight degrees, Cujo is thirsty…
Night of the Living Interns 2 ~ They‘re bahaack! This time to
discuss appropriate treatment for post-birth trauma….to awful to go on…you
simply must see the movie.(Actually, please don’t , we will have to avoid eye
contact in public)
My Poltergeist~ The toilet seat is mysteriously agape; mom
falls in and is lost to the other side…
Husband of Frankenstein~ She's not your usual maniacal PMS
partner, welcome to menopause! You can run, but the wife will hunt you down…
‘Thanksgiving’ ~No, that’s not Michael Myers’ knife going
through you…that is the veggie dip you made with two-day old sour cream. Stay
away from the bathroom Nana…
Since its Christmas, you may have some vacation time to hit
the theater. Enjoy!
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