Recently Washington has been riddled with scandals (recently
being a relative term that is defined by the phrase "this week and has actually been going
on for over the last two hundred years")
The only thing that would put the
current administration in more hot water would be the San Francisco vegan-crowd
finding out that Nancy Pelosi has a hidden closet of baby seal slingbacks
adjacent to her bedroom.
So in the spirit of full disclosure and accountability I
have decided to set an example for the Washington horde and confess to various
scandals and scandalous activities of my own…of course to expect the
politicians to follow suit would be like placing hope in the electoral college
system. (Insert hysterical laughter) Here is my list, I am coming clean:
I have purposely purchased loud electronic gifts for nieces
and nephews (i.e...Race car with obnoxious revving sounds and sirens) as paybacks
to my brother and sister for atrocities committed against me during our
formative years.
I kept the five dollar bill my son left in his pocket and
was discovered in the dryer lint trap.
Any chocolate that does not fit into the Christmas stocking
goes to a secret stash in the freezer that is pilfered for my personal
enjoyment for the remainder of the year.
Once, I washed the same load of clothes three times because
I kept forgetting to take it out and place it into the dryer. Okay, the true
scandal is that this has happened more than one time, possibly twenty-seven
times.
When I am feeling particularly adventurous, I watch Rachel
Maddow to see if I will spontaneously combust.
I have purchased baked goods and placed them onto plates
from my kitchen to insinuate that the cookie-bars, cinnamon rolls, or what-not
are ‘homemade’.
I have lied about my intent to go bungee-jumping when I know
darn well that will NEVER happen.
I pretend that I am not ‘pee your pants’ afraid of the bears
and cougars that live around our cabin in the U.P.
On occasion, I have considered consuming the pet rabbit with
a side of béarnaise….on many occasions, okay, last night.
It has been rumored, and may be possible that the hamster that
was “sleeping” when the kids went to school and grew ten times larger and
morphed colors while they were away may not have actually been the same
hamster.
I once told my Sunday school preschoolers that I was a
former super model that decided to quit and stay home to raise her kids…Yes, I
lied to children, as they were the only ones who would believe me.
The bleu cheese dressing is so good at The Lake Superior
Brewing Company Restaurant in Grand Marais, that I once had it for dinner…nothing
else, just beer and dressing.
Now, I will take the heat of these tawdry activities and
suffer the consequences. Friends in Washington, it is not so tough, try it
sometime!
