Prison, Pregnancy, and Prozac

 

I have three boys. My husband and I are trying to raise the children with the ultimate goals of completion of college and the successful avoidance of all of the three P’s, the three P’s being, Prison, Pregnancy, and Prozac. While total success is the expectation, we acknowledge that the least likely to be achieved will be the parental dipping into the Prozac…..do not judge me. Sometimes those boys can say or do things that simply leave a parent speechless. Those that know me would comment that rendering me speechless is quite the accomplishment.

In the spirit of encouragement for other parents of young men, or possibly future testimony, I thought I would share a few of those moments that have truly caught me off guard as a mother. I had no initial response to the following statements or questions, but rest assured, an appropriate, “oh hell no!” did eventually make its way to the surface if required.

In no particular order…..

“Mom, I need a dead squirrel for school by tomorrow morning”

“Mom, I need a machete for my leprechaun trap.”

“Mom, were you hot when you were young, like, back when your skin was smooth?”

“Mom, can I get a machete for my birthday?”

“Mom, would you be upset if Dad just let me walk around up on the roof of the house?”

“Mom, would you be upset if Dad just let me walk around up on the roof of the barn?”

“Mom, can I take my machete over to Cameron’s house?”

“Mom, that itch on your elbow is probably a case of ‘old lady rash’”

“Mom, do we have any more lighter fluid, or hey, gasoline would work too right?”

“Mom, would you say that fire is too close to the barn?”

“Mom, I am thinking of Motocross as a career.”

“Mom, when I grow up, I used to want to be a veterinarian, but now, I hope I can be a waiter.”

“Mom, I am making six dollars an hour, for sixteen hours per week, I’d say it’s time I make my own way in the world.”  (This was followed by……Mom, can I have a ride to the movies, and some money for popcorn?”)

“Mom, have you seen my machete, I think I may have left it somewhere?”

 

So when you see me at the Walgreens, picking up that prescription every other Wednesday around three, remember what you have read here. I am not too proud for your pity.