My Christmas List

Ah Christmas, the holiday that used to be about the birth of Jesus.

Now it seems to have become an amazing catch-all event that even the most committed atheist is able to display a manger in their home and call it ‘the ol’party at the barn’.  We Christians that try to hold back the flood of consumerism that has hallmarked this great day, are able to accomplish it with success in some manner.  In my house, we sing Happy Birthday to Jesus every Christmas morning, honor Christmas Eve, but I am certain that as a group, we could do better to hold the day to its true and historical purpose. I must admit personal flaws that I have with this issue, because when it comes right down to it, I must admit, I still enjoy a good present.

So in the spirit of ultimate consumerism, I have prepared my list for this year, just in case you all have not gone out and purchased something for me yet! (Becuase it is almost Thanksgiving and you should be done with your shopping!)

All I want this year is:

·         An invitation to Nancy Pelosi’s retirement party.

·         A car cocooned in bubble wrap for my soon-to-be sixteen year old driver.

·         A two hour recovery time for multiple elective surgery procedures.

·         A super sci-fi ray-gun to zap people in the school parking lot that have offensive stickers on the back of their cars that my children read on the way into school.

·         A super sci-fi ray-gun to zap people anywhere for ostentatious abuse of Lycra.

·         Super-charged Febreeze device that takes the stench out of the gym clothes that recently walked themselves home from the High School locker room.

·         On-demand Mojito tap in the fridge for the summer.

·         On-demand Irish coffee taps on the Mr. Coffee for the winter.

·         A super sci-fi ray-gun that zaps people who exhaustively use the British word “spot-on” and are not British.

·         A suicide note from my son’s stinky rabbit.

·         The personal masseuse (a strong and sturdy Finnish woman named Helka) my husband promised me last year but did not seem to end up under the tree.

·         A super sci-f ray-gun that zaps me every time I say, “sure I can help out with that *fundraiser!” (*Insert event, book fair, bake sale, car pool, overnight-camping trip….you understand the point here.)

 

Now is that so much to ask?

 

My wishes for you are a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Kwanza, Grand ‘ol Party at the Barn, or whatever you celebrate, is the very best it can be!!!

 

Marie Sarchet