Cougar Snacks

There are cougars in Michigan.

I am not talking about the Botox-injected women my age that are still wearing tube tops and leopard skin high heels. (No judgment there, I keep my tube top for sentimental value, I am just not wearing it to the Wal-mart).

I write of the real life Mountain-lion-like cougar cats. Big, burly, sharp-teeth, swooping tail, not- eating meow mix from the can type of mountain-lion-like cougar cats. They are roaming about the Upper Peninsula using the shores of Lake Superior as a giant litter box. A recent picture from a gentleman hunting near the Keweenaw is the first with a digital camera. That photo is one of dozens caught on trail cameras from Baraga County to Chippewa County. In each of these pictures, they all have one thing in common to me; the cats look hungry.

Now, for those of us that do not live in the western part of the country that deal with the big cats on a day to day basis, this is a huge deal. There are very few creatures that live in Michigan that would like to consume you for an afternoon snack. In fact, I live in Michigan for the sole purpose of existing among creatures that do not wish to have me for dinner. Sure, we have some big ol beautiful black bear, but those guys would rather eat a box of Krispy Kream doughnuts than come after my scraggly butt for sustenance.

Most of time, I would only worry about this when we would visit our camp in the U.P.  According to the Department of Natural Resources (DNR) and my husband, there are no cougars living in the Lower Peninsula. My husband defended this position pretty strongly, reverently denying the possibility of the cats swimming across the straits of Mackinaw, or strolling south over the ice. A position he held, that is, until he came face to face with one on our hunting property smack dab in the middle of the Lower Peninsula.

He says that it may as well been a zebra or a kangaroo that appeared on the path ahead of him two hunting seasons ago. His brain would not even process that the giant cat was laying there, stretching at least five feet across. His first thought was that a severely deformed deer, possibly hit by a car, with a smashed in face like a Schnauzer dog. Then the kitty stood up and took notice of my husband taking notice of the kitty. The swooping tail with a black tip was the first attribute that finally hollered,“Mountain Lion!” in my husband’s brain.  Immediately his woodsman training attempted to scare the cat back into the forest.  He raised his arms into the sky and tried to look “large” as is recommended in such situations to deter a predator. Kitty thought that was fun and not so scary…my husband stated, “It crouched down and locked eyes with me and stared…and that was when I decided to leave…backing away very slowly.”

He climbed into an elevated hunting blind and did what every forty-year-old man scared to death in the woods would do…he called his Daddy to come get him. Personally, you would have found me frozen to the spot, on the ground in the fetal position weeping, thus becoming a cougar snack, or at best, a kitty mouse toy. The trail camera did not capture the image of a cougar that day, but it did take a now-infamous picture of my husband, ultimately walking out of the woods down the same path the “Schnauzer face deer” had just occupied, pistol in one hand, and phone in the other. We never did see that underwear return from camp…no mystery around that.

The DNR still claim that no cougars are present in southern Michigan, they deny because if they admit that knowledge, funding would have to be spent around conservation. I mean really, why inform the public about some nice little kitties strolling about our forests? Let's keep it a surprise!

In our house, we know differently. We think of the woods in another way now, understanding the majestic creatures are sharing our personal space.

A little scary, a lot of cool, I just want them to keep the chipmunks as their cougar snacks.