No, this article is not about our politicians...
School starts next week and summer is over. I have mere hours to accomplish
the remaining multitude of vacation undertakings that were elements of a
colossal summer extravaganza I had meticulously plotted over the Memorial Day
weekend. Based on the opinion of teachers, post-school information retention is
very low. Kids need to keep learning fresh in order to prevent dim-witting
themselves with too much fun in the sun, too much sleeping in, and eating too
much BBQ. Apparently these evil activities,
not kept in check, can turn students into certifiable fools by the summer’s
end.
Great ambitions and expectations were birthed in our house when
school was dismissed last June. All children in the house would be home-
schooled intensively every day and read books so advanced that all three of
them would be able to skip a grade upon the arrival of autumn. In actuality, the only words those kids read
all summer were the appetizer selections at multiple restaurant establishments
across the Upper Peninsula and Northern Michigan.
My thirteen year old
was able to jump start his Spanish as Friday nights at the Railside Bar and
Grill were in fact, ‘Fiesta Fridays’ and there were many cultural offerings
such as ‘jalapeƱo poppers’, ‘chicken burritos’, and ‘mini-tacos’ to read on the
menu… I am confident he is dressed to impress his Spanish instructor come the
start of that class.
In addition to linguistic triumph, mathematics was to become
integrated deep within my young sons’ grey matter. After their intense learning,
the boys would become known about town for their ‘Einstein-like’ abilities…whipping
off of random algebraic expressions, solving quadratic equations for strangers
on the street, and memorizing the first fifty-seven places of pi. Yesterday,
the high school kid asked me “what the heck is four times seven?” …mission fail.
Speaking of pi, my youngest and I had planned to prepare
gourmet meals every single day with seasonal fare purchased at the local farm
market…We made brownies…from the box… just one time. It was not my fault, the
farm market scares me.
Our mental growth was to be outshined only by the
intensification of our athletic abilities. Being inspired by the Olympics, we
were going to run faster, jump higher, and lift weights to become stronger…Well,
we ran pretty fast when we thought we heard a bear near the U.P. camp while we
were eating butter potatoes. We jumped higher only because we bought a
trampoline for the backyard. Jumping, as women my age should never do sober, I severely
injured my coccyx (yes, which is a real body part!). And the
weights? The only ‘weights’ I have had this summer were for a table at the
Railside Bar and Grill. Lifting that fork, up and down, down and up was the
extent of our exercise.
Maybe it is not too late, maybe in these waning hours, I can
introduce some vital knowledge to ensure that the too-fun summer was not awash
in complete ignorance….
Who am I kidding? Currently, one kid is in the kitchen
heating up a tray of frozen pizza rolls while another is drooling all over
himself while napping on the couch. The
last genius of the family is trying to entice the dog to eat Cheetos out of the
kid’s nose.
Me? I am parked here in the squishy chair writing this blog…it
is simply too late for us all…
So happy we have great teachers in my town! Good luck with
my certifiable kids of summer!
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