Unresolved Resolutions

Happy New Year!

It is the time of year to write down all of the intentions that you plan to resolve for yourself during the next twelve months.  Intentions that are usually fueled by 98% self-esteem issues, coupled with 2% extravagant dreams developed by watching tricky television advertising and internet marketing schemes.

Historically, celebrations of the New Year began with the Babylonians over two thousand years ago. Around 153 B.C, the Romans brought Janus (hence January), a Roman god, to the party and apparently initiated the tradition of ‘looking forward’ into the New Year….thus, the invention of the New Year Resolution.

I hate you Janus. I hate you and all of the unresolved good intentions that cause incredible amounts of guilt in ridiculous Americans such as me, each and every New Year.

In protest, I have decided to make a list of all the items that I tend to leave unresolved in my life during 2013. This is not only for me, but for the good of the general intellect. I hereby decree, down with Janus and make now the time of New Years Un-Resolutions.

Next year, I intentionally intend to leave unresolved:

All and any family conflicts that result in quantitative levels of discomfort, disappointment, or compel one to visit the bar fridge.

My cholesterol, sugar, thyroid, etc…. levels.

Personal issues that result in a high level of disorganization.

My checkbook.

Whatever it is growing in the upstairs shower.

Anything to do with my children behaving in odd manners or parenting issues that may require said children to necessitate therapy in their adult lives.

Laundry and every non-matched sock I sadistically keep in the sock basket that keeps me thinking that someday, maybe someday, its partner will return and our family of cotton will be made whole again.

My inability to recall in a timely manner most birthdays and tax deadlines.

Flab issues of any kind, in any location, due to gravity or the occasional stolen Little Debbie Swiss Cake Roll.

Multiple household repair items.

The half-written novel on my hard drive that annunciates my inconsistency, each and every time I turn on my computer.

 

This is simply the list I can share with the general public, trust me, there are more unresolved issues I plan on sharing with my medical doctor (apologies ahead of time) and 1-800 dial therapist…but I can honestly say….

 My wish for you is a Happy, Unresolved, No-Guilt, New Year!

Ahead with 2013!