I am finding myself facing the possibility of becoming
unemployed.
The Michigan State Legislature has squeezed the blemish of
bureaucracy and out I have popped with countless other Americans and about 30%
of Greek citizens into the job market.
My first thought was to consider joining the dozen people of
the ‘Gaylord 99%’ on the lawn of the city building. Sadly, I do not draw bubble letters very well
and my sign would read:
’I really shouldn’t
be here, these are not my politics.’
But the idea of hanging/protesting on the lawn all day
during the beautiful northern Michigan summer with some probably very nice people
sounds inviting. As I am certain they would not like my sign, and that I could
face an angry mob, (okay, maybe not a mob, but perhaps a
disgruntled cluster), I decided to go the traditional route and hit the
classifieds for new prospects.
What a wonderful plethora of opportunity! (Insert sarcasm) I
was truly surprised at how many positions met my skill set. (Insert hysterical laughter) As I read from ad
to ad I found that I was qualified for almost every job! From advertising to
welding, I decided I could do just about anything to keep the dollars flowing.
This is a result of either high self esteem and efficacy, or clinical dementia.
Logically I understand that a high tolerance for bad coffee
and the desire to acquire a commemorative sterling silver spoon from each of
the lower 48 states, does not automatically meet the criteria of a tanker truck
driver. But yet, somehow, I can envision myself riding high above the Prii (Pronounced
‘Pri-eye’, is plural for multiple Prius) perched upon a bouncy hydraulic seat,
smoking (I do not smoke, but would be willing to try for the right position),
chewing on a toothpick, (yes both at the same time) and wearing a cut-off
sleeveless t-shirt. Truck drivers are tough. The job would require a tiny bit
of preparation, truck driving school, licensing, insane people that would want
to put a small, pre-menopausal, bi-focal wearing, soccer mom behind the wheel
of a tanker truck, but hey, it is all in the attitude right?
If that does not work out, there may be other options such
as a Sous Chef. Whatever sous are, I bet I can whip up a tasty batch. Or, there
seem to be many positions open in the mental health field. Amid the hoard of my personal issues,
combined with children and a large extended family, I would think starting next
week would be suitable.
Yesterday, I visited with an old friend and former
supervisor (yes, shamelessly digging for a reference). In relation to my fears regarding my
qualifications she stated, “Oh I wouldn’t worry about that dear, we thought you
were highly under-qualified when we hired you, and look, you didn’t screw that
job up too bad.”
Wow, with that confidence booster you all better take heed
and make good with your maker, fate may place me in your neighborhood hauling toxic waste in my new tanker truck.
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