This Is Your Brain On Boats

My brain has a mind of its own.

I tell it every day to run the body at least two miles, write a novel, eat fruits and vegetables of multiple colors, call my mother, clean out the trash cans, and learn Tae Kwon Do. It rarely cooperates; it has not obliged with the Tae Kwon Do command since September 8^th of 1989. (I took a lesson from two Keweenaw Peninsula Byzantine Catholic monks that teach Tae Kwon Do and make killer thimbleberry jam. If you think I am lying… http://www.societystjohn.com/store/ )

Instead, what usually happens is that I walk to the end of the driveway , write this blog, eat a bowl of Capn’ Crunch, call my train wreck of a cousin, (see blog ‘Plumbers Night at the Races’) clean nothing, and we already know what happened to the Tae Kwon Do.

Cognitive Science states that if we deliberately set intent before we participate in any activity, then our brain looks for opportunities to live up to the intent. My brain must be the ultimate rebel. It is its own personal Marlon Brando… (For those of you too young for this reference, too bad, stop making me feel old).

For example, even if I intend to exercise and I see Richard Simmons sweatin to the oldies or that body-Nazi Jillian, my brain does not get up and groove, it rebels and hollers, “Stuff it Richard! Your hair is unnaturally fuzzy!” or  “I hate you Jillian, no YOU are the biggest loser!” and I get in the car, head to the 7-Eleven for a bag of Cheetos and a Coke slushy.

Many of us struggle in this manner. Consider the complexity of the battles that rage in that treasure trough of Lindsey Lohan’s mind:

Lindsey: “I really should not drink that bottle of Grey Goose before heading out on my ocean view drive.”

Lindsey’s brain: “Oh peeshaw! That is a great idea! Get the keys to the Mercedes!”

Lindsey: “I really should pay for this necklace I slipped on in the store”

Lindsay’s brain: “Bad suggestion...shiny object ….let’s rock and roll outta here!”

Yesterday, my brain took our eighteen-foot Boston Whaler boat out for a joy ride. I had driven four miles, made three left-hand turns, and passed numerous Gaylord citizens (yes, maybe even you) before realizing the boat was attached to the SUV. Thinking the car sluggish, I glanced into the rear-view mirror and there it was…..what a shocker!  I yelled, "Holy (Insert your favorite expletive)!" and proceeded to freak out. My brain does not even care for my wellbeing!  Safely home, my incredibly  patient husband tried to calm me by saying that this happens to people all time, random hauling of boats without driver knowledge. I am trying to believe him.

So if a short, blonde lady in the car next to you, waves you down while you’re driving with your boat in Northern Michigan and mouths the words, “You-have-a-boat-behind-you” as a public service;

She is not a lunatic, it’s just her brain!